The Double Agent: Between the Pharasee and Tax Collector

What does it mean when your heart longs for

justice to be delivered.
mercy to be shown.
significance.
a more natural selflessness.
healing from broken patterns.
a well of kindness from within.
peace.
a genuine love for others.
clear thinking.
determination to finish.
excellence in what you do.

And yet despite all the grace and love you find yourself

being annoyed at KLOVE all week long, and then worshiping to the acoustical version of the song on Sunday in church.

being enraged at the headline of the innocent killed by a drunk driver, but you two and a half glasses of wine after a long week and then drove home.

you pour in love and hope into a crushed heart that's been placed in your path, yet you do not bother to hide the deep disdain for the angry and rude man who lives in unit #1.

deep and heartfelt prayer for a good friend's relative who you don't know, and a total inability to sustain an effort to plead for your brother.

Luke 18: 9-14

Confess it like you mean it and then you will

deliver justice.
show mercy.
find significance in humility.
be selfless.
stomp out broken patterns.
well up with kindness.
breath peace.
genuinely love.
think.
finish.
polish with excellence.

Number My Days

For the last six months I have lived in the fog of choices that rolled through my life, and became so thick so quickly, I suddenly found myself unable to see 'the end game' of my life.

I hate that feeling. Nothing makes me wither quicker than knowing I've chosen the drudgery of a lesser path or busyness over God's calling or His pursuit of me.

The last four weeks have been an attempt -albeit somewhat shaky- to realign and refocus my heart and my dreams on a path that revives my desire to live in pursuit of Him.

It's just so easy to get bogged down in stupid, thoughtless choices whether they be over relationships, time, spending money, taking on too much work, being consumed with buying stuff...that you wake up one day and you're about to turn 62 and hate where you are in life.

A good friend of mine, Dr. Dicks, who has forgotten more about agri-business and sustainable economic development projects in 3rd world countries than I will ever hope to learn - said something on Friday that has stuck to my bones all weekend.

In referencing our plan to start a farm in Sierra Leone West Africa, as the first project of a larger vision to help launch businesses that feed and employ our African friends, he said "I don't have much time left. I have get this one right. I can't waste time on people or projects that aren't going to work."

He's right.

The world is burning.

No one who truly gives a damn has the luxury of being ineffective.

Whether it's serving the poor, single moms, orphans, starvation, the national deficit, saving the whales, AIDS, child soldiers, raising your children, loving your spouse, eating healthier, not being mastered by coffee or soda, finding a cure for the common cold...we should all number our days with the end game in mind and work our way backwards to how we will arrive, by grace, at living abundantly.